On the Eve of Valentine’s Day, my friend and I got together in the afternoon for a heart-to-heart talk. As I listened to her love story, the intensity of her feelings made an impact on me. Hers is a story rarely told or accepted in this conservative country.
My friend started by telling me that she was daydreaming more often these days. She’d dream that they were sitting under the shade of an acacia tree. They would be laughing their hearts out as usual. Then, as their laughter subsides, they would turn to look each other. Rather than crack up again, there would suddenly be tension. In her fantasies, my friend would be stunned that they’d kiss and it would be just perfect!
“They” was meant to refer to her and Danielle. Danielle will always be my friend’s angel. The girl has a knack at making my friend laugh. Even if my friend were in a pensive, a serious or a gloomy mood, Danielle seems to lighten all her burdens in ways no one else can.
She told me that Danielle and she met up at a fast food chain earlier. This was a lunch date meant to update her of Danielle’s exciting love life. Here was how their conversation went:
Danielle (D): We were together again last night! It was totally crazy. I went home so late because he was so much fun to talk to.
My Friend (MF): Which guy are we referring to again?”
D: The ROTC dude, you dummy! You make me sound like a player!
I intently looked at my friend’s face. She tried to conceal her emotions but I sensed her melancholy. She told me that she plays the friend role to perfection, and it’s killing her inside.
As my friend was relaying this to me, I could vividly imagine Danielle pouting. I know that her childlike innocence coupled with her straightforwardness was something that had drawn my friend to her.
D: This is such a dilemma for me. The ROTC dude is so interesting. He may be slow in making his moves but that just makes him more appealing. It makes me think that this might be the real thing because we spend more time with each other and we take things slow. With the musician on the other hand, I like him and he’s fun to be with but we don’t get to spend as much time because he’s busy and during school days he has to hang around with his brothers. When we hang out together, however, the sexual tension between us is so strong. It’s freaking me out!
MF: Who do you like more? At the end of the day, that will be the ultimate question.
D: I don’t know. I’m kind of hoping that one of them would tire of me soon. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you something. I made out with the musician yesterday before I left his car. He was shocked when I suddenly asked him if he dates other girls while we’re dating. I don’t know. He sounds too good to be true. He’s the alpha male and I’m a nerd. Guys like him don’t go for girls like me. I told him that I’m probably just one of the girls he goes out with to be good at dating. When I said that, he looked horrified!
MF: Dude, give him some credit. He might be sincere!
At that point of her story, I was taken aback. I suddenly realized that my friend really was playing the friend role to perfection. She told me that even she was surprised with herself. She noticed that with Danielle, her devil-may-care attitude was gone. She was aware of awkward pauses. She’d suddenly do anything to be with Danielle and make her happy.
Talk about being a martyr! She even helped Danielle prepare for her date with the musician. The tomboyish Danielle borrowed a skirt from her to prepare for the date. As my friend continued with her story, she tried to keep her tone light by comically telling that Danielle was self-conscious on whether the skirt was too short and whether she’d look like a tease if she sat in his car a certain way. She laughed as she recounted how Danielle ascended the stairs to the parking level and asked if she was showing too much skin. My friend took snapshots of Danielle and proudly showed them to me. I certainly had to agree with her when she said Danielle was one hot babe.
The clincher was about to come. I could sense by just looking at her. I know that the most hurtful part of that afternoon was about to be divulged. The story continues with my friend and Danielle saying their thanks and goodbye before the latter saunters to the musician's car. My friend cursed. She was an idiot, she said, for opening her arms wide as if bidding Danielle to hug her before she leaves. Sadly there was no hug. Danielle was already on her way to the guy’s car. I knew that my friend needed that hug to stop her heart from shattering into a million pieces. I hugged her but I know it couldn’t make up for Danielle’s. My friend told me that she walked to the opposite direction as bubbly and as fast as she could muster. She knew that defeat would be staring at her if she looks back.
As my friend wrapped up her tale, she looked at the horizon with an expression I couldn’t quite read. She quietly told me that Danielle would still be her angel – but more like a friendly angel. She resolved not to pursue these feelings any more. According to her, this is the better set-up: Danielle wouldn’t have to face the discriminating stares of people by being part of a girl-girl couple. Neither of them would have to know the pain of a love not being conventionally accepted. With a strong resolve, she said that she wants a lasting relationship with Danielle and she knows that that relationship is of friendship.
Before going home, she stared at the heavens a bit longer. I don’t know if she was praying or resigning her fate to God. I heard a whisper part from her lips, though. She said, “Danielle, I love you!”
I am sharing this to you due to two reasons: (1) this will serve as an entry to Noemi Dado's Love Struck Writing Contest and, (2) this will hopefully help us get out of our comfort zone to realize that a homosexual’s love could be as intense as our own.
I believe my friend was love struck enough to let go – love struck enough to end a chapter in her love story to give Danielle a better shot at happily ever after.
