Money is a basic medium of exchange that is socially and legally accepted in payment for goods and services. More than that, it is a means to provide not only the necessities of life but luxury and comfort as well. Over the years and with the growing gap between the rich and the poor, money has become synonymous to status, position and authority one holds in society.

College, for instance, is viewed as a basic requirement to be able to earn a substantial amount of money in the near future. In the world of modern technology and continuing struggle against poverty, however, even college students are finding ways to earn money while they invest in education with the hope for greater future earnings. This method of entering various profitable schemes could be described as a part time job, a “side line” or a “raket”.

The word “raket” is a Filipino slang term with various meanings. The usage of this word has been linked to syndicate businesses and pyramid scamming. Thus, there is a negative connotation of a raket being an illegal means to generate money. This term, however, has evolved to mean any income generating activity.

This links you to a part of my paper which focuses on raket as a part-time income generating activity of students. It discusses one hottest money making schemes at present: earning by blogging.

http://yayamanako.wordpress.com/2008/05/09/earn-money-by-blogging/

My other blog! This is a site mainly for all my rants - mainly those I think too personal or too mundane to share in multiply. :)

procrastinator --> i. must. stop. feeling. guilty. feeling. regretful. stop.
it's like i'm just floating by the day. i wanna feel!
it's more like can't focus. can't function. so much to do. too little initiative. too little time
and here's the feeling again na patapos na but i haven't given it my all. parang wala nang redeeming factor
i have two demanding english subjects. i'm tutoring pa. and i'm learning korean. and struggling with my fears and scuba diving and feeling the pressure of getting a license to be a certified diver. i'm furniture hunting for our house. and there's just so much to do. so little of me.
i can hear that it's raining na outside. good luck to me. no umbrella. just me. alone. outside. *sigh*

i want to cuddle

i want to hug people. you. anyone.

i want to be malambing

haaaay...

Funny and Enlightening!
A must watch to those who get too caught up with the education system.

IPSAnians! Great news here! Our school mate, Zena is one of the candidates for Miss England 2008. Woohoo!  Check this out: http://www.missengland.info/Missphotographicheat6.htm

The regular phone call from my parents has just ended. The stimulating topic for tonight’s phone conversation was politics and the politicians from UP.

Parent: Ganyan naman kayong mga tagaUP eh. Habang nasa college kayo, mga actibista kayo pero paglabas na ng kolehiyo, nawawala na mga prinsipyo niyo. There’s PGMA, Angara, Neri…

Last Friday, a friend and I were talking about what she has learned from her ArtStud1 class. She relayed to me her insights on what her prof said.

Prof: Ulo lang naman pinapalaki dito sa UP eh, hindi puso.

As I half-heartedly listened to a campaigning candidate during the recent USC elections, something she said caught my attention.

Candidate: We have to do something about our system because we have alumni like GMA and Neri and are we proud of them? NO!

 

This has got me thinking.

Are we being swallowed by the dysfunctional system after we leave the academe?

 

I have to agree that I am not proud of GMA and Neri. Nevertheless, I defensively told my parent, “Student activists comprise only a part of the population of the UP. Those who lead rallies and demonstrations rarely end up politicians. They end up continuing their fight in various ways – as an NPA in the mountains, as a professor enlightening the next generation, as journalists who expose the truth, etc. It is unfair to say we throw away our principles the moment we step out of college.”

 

As for the claim na ulo lang ang pinapalaki dito sa UP at hindi puso, I beg to disagree. There are many UP alumni who give back to the people who invested in their education. In my short stay in this university, I have met many professors who choose to stay and teach in UP despite the higher salary offers from private schools or colleges. My friend has a professor whose course requirement includes working/helping out in the library. Another professor encourages us to develop not only cool heads but warm hearts in service of the Filipino people. She even tells us that she will not only twist in her grave but rise from it to haunt us if we use our cool heads with cold, uncompassionate hearts. My dorm manager of two years constantly reminds us that our stay in the university and in the dormitory is a privilege, not a right; therefore we have to dutifully go about our responsibilities as students and dormers. My CWTS professor made us “pay it forward” by choosing charities, schools, institutions as beneficiaries for our fund-raising projects.

 

Clearly, pinapalaki rin ang puso dito sa UP. It is just people, particularly politicians like PGMA and Neri, who cloud the people’s perception on what an Iskolar ng Bayan has given back to the people and what more he has to offer.

 

Comments, anyone?

I was actually surprised to see this e-mail from my Accounting professor. At first, I thought it was an announcement for suspension of classes to join a rally to finally oust PGMA. I was wrong. It's something deeper than that - a thought that we often dismiss amidst our busy schedules, hectic deadlines and demanding acads.

Here it goes and i really encourage you to read it till the very end. :)

To all Filipinos Everywhere:
 
I used to think that corruption and criminality in the Philippines were caused by poverty. But recent events tell me this isn't true. It is one thing to see people turn into drug addicts, prostitutes, thieves and murderers because of hunger and poverty, but what excuse do these rich, educated people have that could possibly explain their bizarre behavior? And to think I was always so relieved when petty snatchers got caught and locked away in jail because I never fully realized that the big time thieves were out there, making the laws and running our country. Can it get any worse than this?
 
Every night, I come home and am compelled to turn on my tv to watch the latest turn of events. I am mesmerized by these characters. They are not men. They are caricatures of men - too unreal to be believable and too bad to be real.  To see these “honorable†crooks lambast each other, call each one names, look each other in the eye and accuse the other of committing the very same crimes that they themselves are guilty of, is so comical and apalling that I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It is entertainment at its worst!
 
I have never seen so many criminals roaming around unfettered and looking smug until now. These criminals wear suits and barongs, strut around with the confidence of the rich and famous, inspire fear and awe  from the very citizens who voted them to power, bear titles like "Honorable", "Senator" , "Justice" , "General" and worse, "President" . Ironically, these lawless individuals practice law, make our laws, enforce the law. And we wonder why our policemen act the way they do! These are their leaders, and the leaders of this nation  Robin Hoodlum and his band of moneymen. Their motto? "Rob the poor, moderate the greed of the rich."
 
It makes me wonder where on earth these people came from, and what kind of upbringing they had to make them act the way they do for all the world to see. It makes me wonder what kind of schools they went to, what kind of teachers they had, what kind of environment would produce such creatures who can lie, cheat and steal from an already indebted country and from the impoverished people they had vowed to serve. It makes me wonder what their children and grandchildren think of them, and if they are breeding a whole new generation of improved Filipino crooks and liars with maybe a tad more style but equally negligible conscience. Heaven forbid!
 
I am an ordinary citizen and taxpayer. I am blessed to have a job that pays for my needs and those of my family's, even though 30% of my earnings go to the nation's coffers. Just like others in my lot, I have complained time and again because our government could not provide enough of the basic services that I expect and deserve. Rutty roads, poor educational system, poor social services, poor health services, poor everything. But I have always thought that was what all third world countries were all about, and my complaints never amounted to anything more.
 
And then this. Scandalous government deals. Plundering presidents pointing fingers. Senators associated with crooks. Congressmen who accept bribes. Big time lawyers on the side of injustice. De Venecia ratting on his boss only after his interminable term has ended, Enrile inquiring about someone's morality! The already filthy rich Abalos and Arroyo wanting more money than they or their great grandchildren could ever spend in a lifetime. Joker making a joke of his own "pag bad ka, lagot ka!" slogan. Defensor rendered defenseless. Gen. Razon involved in kidnapping. Security men providing anything but a sense of security. And it's all about money, money, money that the average Juan de la Cruz could not even imagine in his dreams. Is it any wonder why our few remaining decent and hardworking citizens are leaving to go work in other countries?
 
And worst of all, we are once again saddled with a power-hungry president whose addiction has her clinging on to it like barnacle on a rusty ship. "Love (of power) is blind" takes a whole new meaning when PGMA time and again turns a blind eye on her husband's financial deals. And still blinded with all that is happening, she opts to traipse around the world with her cohorts in tow while her country is in shambles.
 
They say the few stupid ones like me who remain in the Philippines are no longer capable of showing disgust. I don't agree. Many like me feel anger at the brazenness of men we call our leaders, embarrassment to share the same nationality with them, frustration for our nation and helplessness at my own ineffectuality. It is not that I won't make a stand. It is just that I am afraid my actions would only be futile. After all, these monsters are capable of anything. They can hurt me and my family. They already have, though I may not yet feel it.
 
But I am writing this because I need to do something concrete. I need to let others know that ordinary citizens like me do not remain lukewarm to issues that would later affect me and my children. I want to make it known that there are also Filipinos who dream of something better for the Philippines. I want them to know that my country is not filled with scalawags and crooks in every corner, and that there are citizens left who believe in decency, fairness, a right to speak, a right to voice out ideas, a right to tell the people we have trusted to lead us that they have abused their power and that it is time for them to step down. I refuse to let this country go to hell because it is the only country I call mine and it is my responsibility to make sure I have done what I could for it.
 
Those of us who do not have the wealth, power or position it needs to battle the evil crime lords in the government can summon the power of good. We can pray. We can do this with our families every night. We can offer petitions every time we celebrate mass. We can ask others to pray, too, including relatives and friends here and overseas. And we can offer sacrifices along with our petitions, just so we get the message to Him of our desperation in ridding our nation of these vermin. After all, they cannot be more powerful than God!
 
I implore mothers out there to raise your children the best way you can. Do not smother, pamper, or lavish them with too much of the material comforts of life even if you can well afford them. Teach them that there are more important things in this world. I beg all fathers to spend time with their children, to teach them the virtues of hard work, honesty, fair play, sharing, dignity and compassion "right from the sandbox" till they are old enough to go on their own. Not just in your homes, but at work, in school, everywhere you go. Be good role models. Be shining examples for your children so they will learn to be responsible adults who will carry and pass on your family name with pride and honor.
 
I call on educators and teachers, we always underestimate the power of your influence on the minds of our youth. Encourage them to be aware of what is happening in their surroundings. Instill in them a love of their country, inculcate in them the value of perseverance in order to gain real, worthwhile knowledge, help us mold our children into honorable men and women. Encourage our graduates, our best and brightest, to do what they can to lift this country from the mire our traditional politicians have sunk us into. The youth is our future and it would be largely because of you, our educators, that we will be able to repopulate the seats of power with good leaders, presidents, senators, congressmen, justices, lawmakers, law enforcers and lawful citizens.
 
I ask all students, young people and young professionals everywhere to look around and get involved in what is happening. Do not let your youth be an excuse for failure to concern yourselves with the harsh realities you see. But neither let this make you cynical, because we need your idealism and fresh perspective just as you need the wisdom of your elders. YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU! Let your voices be heard. Do what you can for this land that gave you your ancestors and your heritage. Use technology and all available resources at hand to spread good. Text meaningful messages to awaken social conscience. Try your best to fight moral decay because I promise you will not regret it when you become parents yourselves. You will look back at your past misdeeds and pray that your children will do better than you did.
 
Remember that there are a few handful who are capable of running this country. You can join their ranks and make their numbers greater. We are tired of the old trapos. We need brave idealistic leaders who will think of the greater good before anything else. I voted for Atty. Martin Bautista and his team and I sure hope they will run again. Do your utmost to excel in your chosen field. Be good lawyers, civil servants, accountants, computer techs, engineers, doctors, military men so that when you are called to serve in government, you will have credibility and a record that can speak for itself.
 
For love of this country, for the future of our children, for the many who have sacrificed and died to uphold our rights and ideals, I urge you to do what you can. As ordinary citizens, we can do much more for the Philippines than sit around and let crooks lead us to perdition. We owe ourselves this. And we owe our country even more.

For an upcoming Econ 100.2 examination, I have TRIED to start studying in advance.  On Tuesday night, I started reading Chapter 6. My goal was to finish at least 2 chapters that night. However, I gave in to laziness and slept on Chapter 6. The following night,  I find myself still on Chapter 6 but with less enthusiasm. Thankfully, Chapter 6 has the perfect explanation for the laziness and the lack of enthusiasm:

 

“We can use the example of studying to illustrate the law of diminishing returns. You might find that the first hour of studying economics on a given day is productive – you learn new laws and facts, insights and history. The second hour might find your attention wandering a bit, with less learned. The third our might show that diminishing returns have set in with a vengeance, and by the next day the third hour is blank in your memory.” 

-          Samuleson and Nordhuas

Economics, 18^th ed.

 

This just proves the next statement in the book - that law of diminishing returns is a widely observed regularity. 

 

Laughed out loud when I read this. Even the book is offering me excuses before I justify my lack of interest in finishing the topic!

Happy studying everyone! When you finally lose interest and decide to give up, you can always turn to economics to justify your actions.

I am so wacko right now that I did something most people who are bordering depression do. I took a trip down memory lane. I stumbled upon a blog entry I had way back December 9, 2005. In many ways, it describes what I long for at this point in my chaotic life. 

 

Here is an excerpt of that particular blog post in friendster:

"god, padalhan nio po ako ng angels nio pls... parang awa nio na po.. ipaakap nio po ako sa mga angels nio… pakihaplos po ng aking puso nang matuto po akong maging matatag pero hindi manhid... sana po hayaan nio po akong kayanin ang lahat ng ito para hindi ako higit na magkasala sa inyong mga batas. maaawa na po kayo. kahit isang akap lang po..."

 

(comment: I cannot believe I wrote like that before? ‘nio’ ? ‘god’?)

 

I think I’ve hit a point then where words seem to be just words – hollow, meaningless, impersonal. 

 

A dear mentor has commented on that particular friendster blog post. It’s a comment that put some sense in me then and more so now. It goes…

“Jel,

There is no defense for a grown-up...in becoming one or being one. In becoming one, there is always the first-time hurt, that reality is not that beautiful, that dreams DO DIE, that pain can sometimes be unendurable.

In being one, there is always that fear that what has happened will happen again, that one can be shorn of all defenses and "wisdom" and be as naked and vulnerable like in one's youth.

Pray give understanding to those who appear grown-up but just as vulnerable and scared just like you. Pray that you have the courage to continue.

All I can say is, "This too will pass." Remember the wisdom that we never do control the things that happen to us, but all we can do is make the best of the time that is given to us.

Smile. Because it's free, and it does set us free.”

 

 

 

On the Eve of Valentine’s Day, my friend and I got together in the afternoon for a heart-to-heart talk. As I listened to her love story, the intensity of her feelings made an impact on me. Hers is a story rarely told or accepted in this conservative country.

               

My friend started by telling me that she was daydreaming more often these days. She’d dream that they were sitting under the shade of an acacia tree. They would be laughing their hearts out as usual. Then, as their laughter subsides, they would turn to look each other. Rather than crack up again, there would suddenly be tension. In her fantasies, my friend would be stunned that they’d kiss and it would be just perfect!

 

“They” was meant to refer to her and Danielle. Danielle will always be my friend’s angel. The girl has a knack at making my friend laugh. Even if my friend were in a pensive, a serious or a gloomy mood, Danielle seems to lighten all her burdens in ways no one else can.

 

She told me that Danielle and she met up at a fast food chain earlier. This was a lunch date meant to update her of Danielle’s exciting love life. Here was how their conversation went:

Danielle (D): We were together again last night! It was totally crazy. I went home so late because he was so much fun to talk to.

My Friend (MF): Which guy are we referring to again?”

D: The ROTC dude, you dummy! You make me sound like a player!

I intently looked at my friend’s face. She tried to conceal her emotions but I sensed her melancholy.  She told me that she plays the friend role to perfection, and it’s killing her inside.

 

As my friend was relaying this to me, I could vividly imagine Danielle pouting. I know that her childlike innocence coupled with her straightforwardness was something that had drawn my friend to her.

D: This is such a dilemma for me. The ROTC dude is so interesting. He may be slow in making his moves but that just makes him more appealing. It makes me think that this might be the real thing because we spend more time with each other and we take things slow. With the musician on the other hand, I like him and he’s fun to be with but we don’t get to spend as much time because he’s busy and during school days he has to hang around with his brothers. When we hang out together, however, the sexual tension between us is so strong. It’s freaking me out!

MF: Who do you like more? At the end of the day, that will be the ultimate question.

D: I don’t know. I’m kind of hoping that one of them would tire of me soon. Oh! I almost forgot to tell you something. I made out with the musician yesterday before I left his car. He was shocked when I suddenly asked him if he dates other girls while we’re dating. I don’t know. He sounds too good to be true. He’s the alpha male and I’m a nerd. Guys like him don’t go for girls like me. I told him that I’m probably just one of the girls he goes out with to be good at dating. When I said that, he looked horrified!

MF: Dude, give him some credit. He might be sincere!

 

At that point of her story, I was taken aback. I suddenly realized that my friend really was playing the friend role to perfection. She told me that even she was surprised with herself. She noticed that with Danielle, her devil-may-care attitude was gone. She was aware of awkward pauses. She’d suddenly do anything to be with Danielle and make her happy.

 

Talk about being a martyr! She even helped Danielle prepare for her date with the musician. The tomboyish Danielle borrowed a skirt from her to prepare for the date. As my friend continued with her story, she tried to keep her tone light by comically telling that Danielle was self-conscious on whether the skirt was too short and whether she’d look like a tease if she sat in his car a certain way. She laughed as she recounted how Danielle ascended the stairs to the parking level and asked if she was showing too much skin. My friend took snapshots of Danielle and proudly showed them to me. I certainly had to agree with her when she said Danielle was one hot babe.

 

The clincher was about to come. I could sense by just looking at her. I know that the most hurtful part of that afternoon was about to be divulged. The story continues with my friend and Danielle saying their thanks and goodbye before the latter saunters to the musician's car. My friend cursed. She was an idiot, she said, for opening her arms wide as if bidding Danielle to hug her before she leaves. Sadly there was no hug. Danielle was already on her way to the guy’s car. I knew that my friend needed that hug to stop her heart from shattering into a million pieces. I hugged her but I know it couldn’t make up for Danielle’s. My friend told me that she walked to the opposite direction as bubbly and as fast as she could muster. She knew that defeat would be staring at her if she looks back.

 

As my friend wrapped up her tale, she looked at the horizon with an expression I couldn’t quite read. She quietly told me that Danielle would still be her angel – but more like a friendly angel. She resolved not to pursue these feelings any more. According to her, this is the better set-up: Danielle wouldn’t have to face the discriminating stares of people by being part of a girl-girl couple. Neither of them would have to know the pain of a love not being conventionally accepted. With a strong resolve, she said that she wants a lasting relationship with Danielle and she knows that that relationship is of friendship.

 

Before going home, she stared at the heavens a bit longer. I don’t know if she was praying or resigning her fate to God. I heard a whisper part from her lips, though. She said, “Danielle, I love you!”

 

I am sharing this to you due to two reasons: (1) this will serve as an entry to Noemi Dado's Love Struck Writing Contest and, (2) this will hopefully help us get out of our comfort zone to realize that a homosexual’s love could be as intense as our own.

 

I believe my friend was love struck enough to let go – love struck enough to end a chapter in her love story to give Danielle a better shot at happily ever after. 

1:36pm

BAA

What am I doing here?

Do I have what it takes to remain in the program?

Wtf! I almost failed my supposedly “easy” second long exam. (I’m not being sarcastic here. The exam’s really easy. A lot of people got really high scores)

How the hell am I supposed to get a 2.00 for this course?

 

TIME

With barely 40 days till the end of this sem, inclusive of holidays and weekends, I find myself running out of opportunities to redeem myself. I find myself like the rabbit who, no matter how fast he runs, cannot reach the Finish line in time to WIN!

 

MEDIOCRITY

“UP breeds mediocrity,” some may claim. Is this true and am I finally living this statement?

I find myself in situations where I disappoint myself over and over again. I have not simply raised the bar of expectations of myself. On the contrary, I have lowered it to help me keep my sanity in this university.

Have I just had too many stuff to do on my list that I have been too overwhelmed? Have I taken a look at the big picture too long that I drowned in it – paralyzed in fear and inaction?

 

I rest my case for now. Despite my lack of answers, I pause. I need to breathe and take a grip on myself. I need back my sanity!

 

2:30

                Thank God! No Bio1 class for today. I can end my day early.

               

                DROPPING

After my very disappointing accounting grade, I’m having thoughts on dropping the subject. However, this was never an option for me. I don’t like quitting. Still, it’s a very low grade. Can I still clean up my act and go get a high grade?

 

                SLEEP

I have been sleep deprived for so long. I’m tired! I feel as if I have been robbed of a weekend. I think I shall just sleep on my thoughts (especially the thought of dropping) lest I do something I’d later regret.

 

7:59

DORM

Wtf! We have ANOTHER meeting tonight? Why tonight of all nights? I’ve been wanting to sleep or unwind the stress and the depressing feelings I have! “Come, 9pm sharp with your index card for evaluation. That is, if you still want to be accepted to a dorm next sem. Hell! I don’t even have an index card! I have never received one but I indubitably attend almost all required meetings, events, talks blah blah blah! Damn it!

 

8:15

ADVICES

As I go through the messages on my phone, I recall the horrible feelings I’ve had this morning. Here’s an advice that got me to stop my melodramatics: “You shouldn’t stop fighting for excellence. So you failed this morning. It’s a big deal I know. Just get back on the goddamn horse.”

 

I WANNA GO CRAZY AND SHOCK THE WORLD!

Dirty dancing...

Drinking...

Dares...


Think you've seen it all?

Think again.

Be ready for a night like no other.
Be ready to experience DEJA VU.
Like you've never seen it before.


Brought to you by AIESEC UPD in celebration of its 40 Years of Excellence

With a special performance by the UP Streetdance Club
Coming this February 16, 2008.
 The party starts at 8pm, ABSINTH BAR Greenbelt.

Tickets @ 250

Friends, punta kayo!  This will be fun. Don't hesitate to contact me for tickets.

Penshoppe

PAN XENIA FRATERNITY | ADELFE ENU CREA SORORITY

Convergys | Hotel Sogo

in cooperation with

UP CURSOR | UP CIRCUIT

Pulp Magazine | NU107 | Studio 23 | Talent Agents Organization

present

 

LOVERAGE 2 : Outloud!

The Centennial UP Fair Kickoff Night

February 11, 2008

6:00 PM onwards

UP Sunken Garden, Diliman, Quezon City

 

Featuring:

BAMBOO | PAROKYA NI EDGAR | KAMIKAZEE

6CycleMind | MYMP | UpDharmaDown | Kitchie Nadal

Imago | Itchyworms | Chicosci | Stonefree | Moonstar88

Silent Sanctuary | Mayonnaise | Soapdish | Shamrock | Gloc9

Cookie Chua | Queso | Treadstone | Blue Ketchup | Protein Shake | Ciudad | Fuse

Paraluman | Manibela | Chubibo | Tha-r | Zelle | Aurora | Melanie AND MANY MORE...

 

Tickets at P85.

Text me for if you're interested in buying a ticket:
09274942620/09196927360

warning: this is an emo post. leave if you must!

I am feeling:

1.       Stressed.

a.       My to-do lists seems to pile up one after the other. When it just seems as if I have accomplished a task, another adds to my pending must-do work. Don’t we ever get rests nowadays?

b.      I have trouble sleeping! For someone who LOVES to sleep, I just don’t understand why my sleeping pattern’s all crazy. Even when I’m tired, I spent like an hour in bed tossing and turning.

2.       Lazy. I know I’ve been a not-so-diligent student lately. No longer the grade conscious student as I was way back high school, I find myself maximizing on our allowable absences and tardiness. I find myself excusable absences such as conflicting class with an exam to the lamest excuse of being tired or weak willed to get up from bed. Could it be that I have spent a substantial amount of my time and energy being the over diligent student way back high school and grade school that I finally find myself sick and tired of playing the goody goody responsible role? I refuse to justify myself in such manner! Still, the thought comes to mind whenever I find my mind wandering away from the discussion or my mouth quietly bidding the time to go a bit faster or my thoughts turning into nasty ones like when the prof finally gets our laziness spell, shuts up and dismisses us. Hahahahah ^_^

3.       Disorganized. My part of the room is a disaster! My top bunk or my “tambak” bunk is filled with a jumble of papers, books, dvds, manuals all waiting to be filed, classified, rewritten or thrown away. My planner has not been followed according to its list as I usually do.

4.       Guilty.

a.       I have spent my Sunday in SM doing my monthly grocery shopping. I bought the essential stuff like water, food, drinks and toiletries to last me a month or so. However, I cannot help but indulge in a last minute look on magazines and books in National Bookstore. Hence, I went out with 2 magazines and a book. I’d like to think that it was worthwhile since they are readings of substance and not the ordinary trashy romance novels I indulge in from time to time. So where does the guilt come from? It comes from my pact to be a wise buyer, a better shopper – one who does not buy stuff out of a sudden whim. Unfortunately, I failed at that! *sigh*

5.       Disappointed. (Of myself, that is.) As I said, I have almost always been a conscientious student. Now, I find myself average. I have lately not met my self expectations on my group contributions whether academic or extracurricular. I fear that I am turning into the kind of group mate I loathe – the one who does what is assigned half heartedly because someone’s likely to polish off his work.

6.       Above all, I FEEL BLESSED. Because through the whirls and turmoil of thoughts going through my head, I have family and friends who support me. Some who tell me that I can do what seems to be a hard task. Some who tell me not to be too hard on myself. And some who tell me that this is just one of those down times, I've been worse and like before, I’ll soon get over it.